Day 1 of 365 Days of Change

I'm always intrigued by bloggers who undergo radical challenges - pushing themselves in a public forum to see how far they can go. Some examples of experimenters that have inspired me: 

Courtney Carver's Project 333 on Be More With Less

The 10x10 Wardrobe Challenge on Unfancy

The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

I like to watch other people boldly strike out at something new and see what happens. There's something magical about experiments. And maybe there's a part of me that longs for that same boldness. 

Recently I was inspired me to come back to blogging when I stumbled across Dottie James talking about changing her life in one year on YouTube. She's in a different stage of life than mine, but I felt it keenly, her desire to shake up her life.

I feel that way right now. I need some pretty radical change, and I decided to boldly strike out myself by writing about it on my own blog. 

So here goes, my own 365 Days of Change. 

So... why do this?

• I feel stuck in a rut. I’ve been wanting to change areas of my life, but I don’t get traction long enough to make it happen. 
• I want to be in a radically different place a year from now. And I’m not going to get there if I just keep doing the same thing. 
• I recently had a miscarriage. Maybe I’ll write more on this later, maybe I won’t. But I’m in a place where I am craving a fresh start and new hope.
• I want to reinvigorate my creative side. Blogging was an outlet for that, so I'm bringing it back, baby!

What I want to change: 

• Rebuild my health.
• More stamina, strength and energy! 
• Lose more weight by eating healthy keto and intermittent fasting. 
• Get enough sleep consistently. 
• Exercise often but gently, so I don't activate old injuries, amping it up so that a year from now I'm at a much better fitness level.
• Align parenting to my core values
• Make healthier choices for my son, even when they aren't so easy for me.
• Less screen time and more independent play and outdoor play. 
• Try new foods and give him healthier food to eat. No small feat with a picky eater!
• Connect
• It's been a challenging time and relationships have fallen by the wayside. I want to connect with a friend once a week, go to church on Sunday, and find a women's group or Bible study to be a part of.
• Reinvigorate my creativity
• Blog at least once a week. 
• Maybe write some poetry. 
• Ponder the possibility of self-publishing my novel. 
• Do little things that make me feel sparkly inside. Paint my fingernails. Experiment with fashion. Write some book and movie reviews again.
• Get offline
• This is hard to admit for a once-avowed bookworm, but I need to rebuild my attention span and ability to enjoy life without glancing at my phone, browsing the internet or listening to a podcast. 
• Spend more time outdoors.
• Read more, actual old-fashioned books, on paper. 
• See people, more often, in person
• Business/career shifts
• I do have some plans in this area, but it's still not clear yet, so for now, I'm keeping this one private.

I'm not going to tackle all of this immediately, but build a foundation and set new goals each month.
I'll use this blog to report on my progress and what I'm learning along the way.

365 days of change! Magical experiments! And blogging again! I'm kind of excited!

Want to come along?

Yep, I'm back

So, I’ve been gone from this blog a long time, but I’ve been keeping it, waiting to see if I’d want it again, waiting for that day. 

And it’s here.

I’m tempted to explain why I’ve been gone.

I’m tempted to tell you why I’m back.

I’m tempted to try to catch you up on where I’ve been.

But I’m not going to do all of that. Not all at once. I’m just going to let it roll and we’ll see what happens...

A little less conversation, a little more action

I have a balance problem. You might be expecting me to say something like "work-life balance" yadayada. But since becoming a stay at home mom I've figured out there is no work-life balance. I'm just ON all the time. 

No. My problem is balancing input and output. I have this thing. I always want more. 

More information. More books. More blogs. More podcasts. More pretty pins. 

I have an until now unspoken fallacy of a belief that somewhere out there is some "thing" - that magical thing I need that will change my life. The parenting book that will make tantrums manageable. The organization method that will keep my house clean for only ten minutes a day. The blog post that will inspire me. The style that is just so me. The perfect - easy - diet that will change my body forever. The book that will keep me up reading it all night and dying to read the sequel.

I'm always looking. I am hooked. I am addicted. 

It's an internet thing, yeah, primarily. Blogs have been my crack for a long time. Don't take away my feed reader, people! 

But it also applies in other areas like books. For me a satisfying trip to the library is leaving with a stuffed tote bag. Okay, so maybe I will only read 20% of the books, but it's the promise, the potential, that appeals to me, the hope that maybe one of them will be a gem, the thing I can't explain, the thing I've been looking for, the book with a treasure inside.

I not only hoard books, but ideas of books. I have a wish list on Amazon, free samples on my Kindle, a want-to-read list on Goodreads, and a for-later list on my library web site. I'm always looking for more books I might be interested in reading. It will take me a hundred years just to read through my current wish list, not to mention the fact that I keep adding to it..

And then there's my recipe problem. If I get a magazine I just have to tear out any recipe that is vaguely appealing. I have folders full of maybe someday recipes. And then there are the bookmarks, the pins, the cookbooks. I'll never cook them all. And lately, I mostly cook old standbys anyway!

This might sound like just a quirk. But there are problems with it. 

I'm so busy looking for new ideas and taking them in, that I don't deeply absorb and apply things to my life. Let's face it, I know 90% of what I need to know to eat healthy and exercise by now. I could quit reading about it and do it, but instead I spend thirty minutes on the internet reading about it, instead of doing it. Not helpful, really.

Another problem is it perpetuates this magical thinking, that there is a "magic" answer out there to every problem that can easily solve it, if only I knew it. Not only do I spend so much time looking, looking, looking but I also carry around this idea that all problems are meant to be solved. When in truth some problems are just walked through blind until I reach the other side. 

It's been worse since I've become a mother because I go looking for escape or for solutions to all the challenges - cradle cap, climbing out of cribs, bored toddlers, tantrums, teething, etc. 

But I also became addicted to mindlessly searching the internet everyday. When I was breastfeeding for HOURS a day, it's what I did, and I carried it with me, the habit, into my daily life, that need to just wander and search for something. It seemed like it made me less lonely, seeing what other moms were going through. But at the end it only made me more lonely, a halfway connection and not a full one.

And then all of this has me consuming things others have created and not creating my own. Not crafting, cooking, blogging, writing - all things I find fulfilling. 

So I'd like to break this hold it has on me. Maybe not completely. I'm not sure I'm ready for cold turkey from the internets. But I'd like to spend more time applying the knowledge I have, more time creating, more time living, and less time reading about how to live and peering into someone else's windows. 

I haven't decided on a course of action yet, but something MUST be done.

What matters

There is just something weird about the internet today. (Okay I'm going to be negative here and I hardly want that to be my tone but someone has to just say it, okay?) These blogs where people do full photo shoots worthy of Vogue aggrandizing themselves and their lives. It's just... weird. Twilight zone weird. (I'm not going to mention any of the sites because I am not here to hurt anyone, just observe, but I'll throw out The Glow as a prime example since it's not one person in particular.)

Years ago I saw these bloggers as inspiring. And they are. These blogs are amazing and gorgeous and lush. So much creativity and effort goes into it - styling the clothes, picking a location, the props doing the makeup, the hair, the practiced photogenic poses, not to mention the photographic skill and photoshopping skill. It's a lot, okay? These people are working. These people are like a miniature magazine in and of themselves.

But what's weird about it, to me, is that they are a magazine OF themselves. It's just so weird and narcissistic. I get the urge to document your life. I have it too. Duh. Me. Blogger. But this goes beyond that, it's like documenting yourself as an icon or an idol. There's an elevated inaccessibility to it all, not to mention a sort of airless fakery, like Barbies in a Barbie dream house.

After my initial admiration, I started to feel unsettled. I still admired, but I they made me feel less than, in my never photoshoot ready world, with my badly lit snapshots and my decidedly unphotogenic face and body and well... everything really! I felt less than because, well, why didn't I have better photography skills? And why wasn't I styling my outfits? And why didn't I have such creative vision? And really, most of ALL, why didn't I have the TIME to do such things? The boring answer is that I wasn't doing those things because I really, deep down, didn't WANT TO, and I know that.

But seeing them made me feel somehow like my life, my real actual life, was less than. You could say my perception was off, but I don't think I'm the only one. We all do it, whether we want to or not, we look around and see what life "looks like" for other people in our peer group. We want to be reassured that we (in our sweatpants and dirty hair with our kid screaming in the toy store) are normal, okay? And when what we see instead are smiling children in hipster clothes, looking glowingly at mommies with perfect makeup and hair, well, dang, we feel like the bar is so flipping high.

What's hard here is that I don't want to (and I don't) judge the individuals that do all of this stuff. It's the collective effect of it all. When you see it all together, at once, it's so... strange. It's like a narcissistic mirror world, a world where everyone views themselves as a little celebrity with their own brand and image and lookbook and followers. And it makes you wonder what we aspire to collectively as a society.

I understand the urge, the desire to share your gift. We all have our gifts and passions and so often they stay dusty and hidden in the attic. We long to have someone see our gift and recognize it and maybe be blessed by it. We long to be seen and known and loved.

So I get it. But what I don't get is when the gift is just looking pretty. I take that back. We do need people who make things look pretty. I am grateful for them every time I step into Anthropologie. I've always loved the prettiness of little things and making life pretty is not a crime in and of itself. But maybe it's people who aren't just trying to make life pretty, but make themselves pretty - they are the star of every image - "look at me, look at me, look at me!"

It feels as if some bloggers are actresses living on movie sets and their blogs are packaged products that go out to their adoring fans. And sometimes the internet feels like it honors people living life on stage, as if they are more fabulous than the rest of us for their shiny, shiny lives of perfect images, bits and baubles, and endless adventures.

But I don't want to live my life on stage, I want to feel like it's okay, maybe even fabulous, to be me everyday, in the sweatpants and the dirty hair, even if I'm not taking selfies at the food trailer, going to the latest fashion party or summering in Ibiza, you know?

I suppose you could say that how I live MY life is up to me, isn't it? :-)

I do agree.

But I'm just a fish in the same fishbowl with everyone else, sometimes affected by the water we're all swimming around in, wondering what is this new world I find myself in? Trying to figure out which way is up, which way is down, what makes sense for me. It's not a world that my mother or my grandmother have lived in. I have no tradition, no heritage to guide me. It's all new baby.

This is why I sometimes get the urge to just go live off the grid, to scrub my mind clean of all this nonsense and live in the moment with the small circle of people around me and remember what matters. What matters. Not how you look, but what you do and how you love.

15 minutes of frivolous

Spencer Finch, Sky

So I'm back. Back at the blog that is. I'm not sure how many (2 of you?) are out there who might have noticed that I disappeared for almost a year and now I'm back.

I've had a hard time coming back because I've had a hard time explaining why I've been gone or what's happened while I've been gone without writing a novel size post that would bore you to tears. Capsule sized version: Had a baby, still getting over it. He's almost two.

And I've been feeling like I "should" declare my new intentions and direction for this blog. Hint: I don't have any.  I have no idea what I'm doing.

And I've been feeling like I "should" redecorate my template and banner and rewrite my about page before starting to post again. And that seems like a lot of work, so I never get started

But I've been reading The Artist's Way for Parents by Julia Cameron and one of the assignments is to pick something you used to enjoy but you now think is frivolous and do it for just 15 minutes a day. So I picked blogging. Hopefully these short posts are freeing me from over thinking what I write so I can just get going again without getting stuck.

So yeah, I'm back? What to expect from this blog going forward? Who knows! Kinda exciting, I think.

Here's to something new. Without over thinking it. Hurrah!

Swallowed up

I was reading Katie's Pencil Box recently... She is a lovely, multi-facted lady, with a blog much more popular than mine, and happens to be pregnant. Her gentle, short post was musing on something personal and had a small aside about the baby and the change to come.

The very first comment on her post said it seemed as if she was becoming a "mommy blogger" and they hoped she wouldn't lose all the other aspects of herself and that her blog wouldn't be taken over by too much about babies. And as I read this comment that I felt was a bit invasive I stiffened - defensively for this sweet blogger, but also for myself.

It was as if the moniker of mommy blogger was an insult, not to mention that the commentor assumed that if she wrote "too much" about things related to mommyhood, that meant she was losing other parts of herself.

I stiffened, because pregnancy, this transition into motherhood, has swallowed me up. I have "baby brain" as some call it, and I'm completely occupied with getting ready and anticipation. It is both a joy and at times a little frustrating and frightening heading into the unknown as I wonder when I will get my old self back or if I ever will or what my new self will be like.

But it is not a crime to be swallowed up! It is a phase of life - a natural one, a beautiful one, and a short-lived one. I'm in this phase and there's nothing to be done but walk through it. And I choose to embrace it and make the most of it, even if my life seems to suddenly, drastically change.

It doesn't mean I'm losing myself, but exploring some new frontier of myself, broadening my territory, and perhaps, for a time, it might make me seem obssessed or imbalanced - like many explorers of the past - mapping new lands, traveling uncharted ground requires such extremes. But it does not mean I will not return to balance in due time.

Am I a mommy blogger? Will I ever be? Heck if I know. But am I a blogger going through an acute case of pending mommyhood? Guilty as charged. It's my life and this is the phase I'm in, and I think that should be okay.

Lull

*via Fudge magazine

Lull. I saw this word and it jumped out at me, because of the way it so connects to my life at this moment.

I am in a lull. I am quiet. I am living each day, day by day.

I have no splashy announcements. No opinionated pronouncements. No admirable projects. Not even the whimsical little here and theres of books read or movies seen or delicacies eaten.

I am quiet.

I know this is okay. Not to write anything in this bloggy-blog of mine except the random pregnancy post, yet I somehow feel the need to account for it. I would feel no need to account if it weren't for this blog, for this online world I half live in. And it's that element of the online world - the nagging sense that I should perpetually be in (interesting) motion -  that sometimes makes me wonder if I should continue on blogging.

But for now I will just apologize for the lull and say you may see a little bit less of me for awhile as I go through this physical, mental, emotional and spiritual transition of the next few months.

Happy 2nd Birthday, little blog

*via squeezeomatic

I've let my two year blogiversary come and go, ignored, like an unappreciated marriage, but much has happened in these two years, and it's been fun to have this place to capture it all.


A few highlights:

• My nail polish collection now fills a big fishbowl in my house. My favorites were designing my own little color collections inspired by movies like Marie Antoinette and The Edge of Love!
• I had a crazy dream.To be a writer. Published, that is. This was the moment of inspiration that started it all. The half-finished, misshapen novel that came out of this inspiration was awful. But I did get this lovely winter playlist out of it: 
• My Fresh Snow playlist. Have a listen!
• I tried a lot of new things. One of them stuck. Crochet.
• I wrestled with what it means to be a blogger and what I want to blog about. And I still do!
• I daydreamed about Paris. It took two years, but I finally got there.
• I went cuckoo for cocoa puffs on chick flicks. And talked about the movies that really moved me.
• I spilled my guts on my journey with "maybe motherhood"... and now my journey into motherhood.
• And I told you my most secret thoughts (well some of them, at least)

What does another year of blogging bring?
I'm still not sure. This motherhood transition has knocked me off my block a bit at times and having never gone through it before, it's hard to know how much is temporary and how much is here to stay. I don't know how that will change things.

I do know that I'm still on the path of a writer, although my steps down the path have slowed. I also know that I still love to share my fleeting insights and feelings, plus the occasional whimsy.

But I'm not sure about other things...

I'm not sure how I feel about documenting my journey through motherhood after baby is born. In a sense, I'm documenting baby's life for all the world to see, and baby doesn't get a say in it. I don't have any radical black and white convictions, but those shades of gray worry me.

And I'm not sure about other aspects of blogging...

The way it puts life on a public pedestal. It's like always looking in the mirror. Does it make me too self-conscious? Is it a good thing? I'm an introspective person by nature, and I don't think that's bad. But what blogging makes me self-conscious about is often not my character, but rather how cool I am or how photogenic or trendy or how exciting my life is or how many people give a darn about what I write. And I don't know that those things are the best gauge of a life well-lived. What worries me is the idea I might come to be more concerned about what anonymous society thinks about me than the people who really count.

Over the years I've gotten so much inspiration from blogs for things like home decor, fashion, food, crafts, etc. I love the fact that (most) blogging is not corporate-directed. It's real people, sharing what they've found and tried and liked. And yet, like magazines, so much of blogging can stir up envy and acquisition-ary tendencies.

"Why doesn't my house look like that? I think it's time to remodel the bathroom"
"I want that moroccan pouf I see in all the cool people's living rooms..."
"I need a new pair of boots"
"What's MY signature fragrance?"
"Everyone else has an iPhone. Why don't I get one? I don't want to be the last one on the block, do I?"
"Oh, I need to check out that Etsy store"

It's not that I think these things are horrible. They're normal and natural and human, but I have enough problems with "I-want-itis" without feeding the beast. I know some bloggers intentionally use their blogs as a force for good (or at least what they believe in) to try to motivate and inspire themselves and others towards higher ideals and maybe that's a path I need to consider.

So I'm not 100% sure what blogging holds for me in the future, but as I've done in the past, I'll keep going a little longer, to see what emerges.


Thanks for reading and coming along for the ride!

Winds of change - a letter to my readers

*via Beverly & Pack

Dear readers of my blog,

This is, indeed a long letter. And I hope you'll read the whole dang thing. But if the implications of the picture above cause you to skip down first, please pop back up and read the whole dang thing later. ;-)

I was thinking recently about what it's like to follow a blogger who goes through a life change. It might be that I initially bonded with a blog over fun fashions or book reviews or naughty desserts or a sense of humor, and then... and then... something in their life changes. They lose their sense of humor. They decide to go gluten and sugar-free and drink only green smoothies. They decide to go minimalist or stop shaving. They decide to take their blog in a whole new direction. Maybe it's something circumstantial -they're having a baby or getting married or divorced or starting a new business.

Sometimes I feel a sense of excitement, wondering what new chapters this will reveal. Other times I feel a sense of loss, the blog I loved has changed. With some bloggers I'm so attached to their voice, that I stay through the change. With others, I find, that as my life moment and interests do not align, the bond begins to fade. It's funny how this happens. It happens IRL (in real life) relationships too. At times in the past I've felt angry about it - like "why did this person have to go and change their life and now we're going to drift apart!" I've also felt guilty about it, for letting circumstances change things.

But there are things I've come to see about relationships - women's in particular. We're a bit like cows -- herding together, wanting to be around other women exactly like us or in the same phase of life --  the same age, both young marrieds or young mothers or old mothers, or vegans or divorcees or whatnot. And with this mentality, other possibilities for deeper connections beyond surface commonality are often missed.

And yet, there is something to those shared phases. When we are planning a wedding, we long to talk cakes and flowers. When we are having a baby, we want to compare notes on nausea and nurseries. These things are natural too and perhaps we shouldn't feel so guilty at our own nature, our own need to be immersed in the moment.

So I've come to see that not all friendships (or blogships) are "forevah, forevah, evah" to quote the song Sorry Miss Jackson. Some are temporary, circumstantial, passing through, good while they lasted. And I think sometimes that's okay. We are not obliged to stay the same and neither is anyone else. But neither do circumstances have to be the dividing line of friendships. Some friendships transcend change.

These are all things I was mulling on, only days before I was shocked, shocked I tell you, to have a positive pregnancy test a little over two months ago and realize I was facing a significant change of my own.

Yes. This is it. I am pregnito. That's a little bit pregnant, for those of you not up with the slang. (I am not however, pregnant with twins as the above photo might seem to indicate.) And hopefully being pregnito may explain to you my disappearances and awkwardness on this blog. I wasn't ready to share the news yet and I found myself often unable to say what was most on my mind.

So, talk about change. Change in so many ways --  to have my heart and my mind suddenly change directions, to have this new thing step in and demand space and attention and other things take the back seat.

I have no doubt this change will make itself manifest on my little online playground otherwise known as a blog. At this moment I have no plans to start reviewing nursing bras or debating the Bradley method or whatnot, but I am unsure what this will mean. I'm a bit afraid to lose myself in motherhood (but that is a topic for another post and another day) and I want to stay, fully and richly, myself: the philosopher, the dreamer (and the writer too). And yet motherhood seems to demand a full surrender (haha). And as this is part of my life experience going forward, it will be part of my life here too.

As someone who has long desired motherhood, on my blog I've written (at times very obliquely) about my experience with what I call maybe motherhood - the in between, the unknown, the waiting, the possibility for disappointment.So  I'm sensitive in this area and I share my news with mixed feelings.

I am joyful and grateful, but even as I experience my own joy, I know not every woman experiences this. I can't explain or justify why I've received this blessing, just like I can't explain or justify so many other experiences of good and bad in the world. But there are things I do know. I know how wonderful all the women are I've known - wonderful women in and of themselves, regardless of reproductive status!

If you're in the "maybe motherhood", or even "definitely not motherhood" -- know that I care about you, that I see and acknowledge your experience, your reality, your heart, your struggle, your validity as a worthy, amazing human being. And you're not alone out there! There are many women from many walks of life - some of them mothers - with empathetic hearts and deep, wise souls - who know what it's like to sorrow, struggle, or have a life that strays off the "normal" well-beaten path. We are always less alone than we think.

Most of all, the message I want to convey is that I believe in you, and all of us ladies -- in our ability to live life to the fullest, to not squander the gift of life that's been given to us, to create and enjoy an intensely beautiful, good life no matter what may happen.

And so a new chapter begins. I hope that those of you who enjoy reading me for my voice, my essence, will stick around to see what happens! Even if I do starting writing about baby blankets, chubby cheeks or whatnot.

Yours truly,
Valerie

Ponderances

*via lunapeople

I never thought it would happen to me... Blogger's block. How arrogant of me, by the way. But while I fully intended to start blogging again this week, my blogger's mind is mostly a blank. I'm going through transitions, and  I know transitions often demand extra energy, leaving me without fuel for this fire. But it's a little bit frightening, this feeling, wondering if/when I will go back to feeling myself again.

The illogical side of me feels I am somehow letting myself down, failing to follow through. While the logical side of me points out that I am not a pro-blogger and there are not anxious people pacing rooms awaiting the delivery of my next words.

I love blogging, but I'm afraid I sometimes start to see blogging as life, rather than life as life. I'm not quitting blogging, yet in times like these I wonder if perhaps I should. I wonder if it diverts my energy away from other pursuits, passions or needs - or merely living in the moment. But the very thought of quitting blogging is like "Noooooo, I cannot do that!" And then I wonder why.

Why am I so afraid to quit? Why do I somehow think my life would be less if I quit? Or that I'd be letting go of something critical? Is this just an archaic idea I'm carrying around in my head from the good old days when I thought it was possible (for me) to make money from my blog or build a business or some what not? Why do I still let that old ghost haunt me when I've already decided it's nothing but a hot airbag? Old ghosts are hard to let go.

Ponderances. Which is not a word, by the way, but should be.

So for now I'm going to float a little while longer in the place where I'm at, waiting for nature's cycles to switch from ebb to flow.

My tips for new bloggers - part 1

*Magnolia cupcakes via Bobokim (and why cupcakes? Why not? It's more fun than a picture of someone sitting at a laptop!)

Since I have a few friends toying with the idea of blogging I wanted to share some of my experience.  Starting a blog can be heaps o' fun! It can also be a little stressful.

First up, defining your blog or deciding on a theme
This can be hard especially if you're someone who loves so many topics (like moi).  I wasn't sure at first should I blog about food, fashion, decor, crafty stuff? I decided instead to center my blog's theme around a journey, a certain moment in my life, a journey to figuring out what my "thing" was. Since then, it's evolved to be more focused around writing, but it's still a bit of a mixed bag, and if you're a hobby blogger, that's okay!  Still it helps to have focus.

Here are some themes and ideas to get you thinking. Your blog could be:

• A personal scrapbook - You might decide not to decide, just let it flow.  This is totally an option!
• A family scrapbook - many bloggers like to capture family experiences - pictures of children, little moments, vacations, family dinners, holidays - both for themselves and to share with extended family and friends.  
• Centered on a topic or passion or style or POV - Paris? Mid-Century modern? Baking cookies? Sci-fi book reviews?
• Supporting your business or professional life. For example, a blog about flower arrangements from a budding florist. Or a blog about writing from a writer!
• An intimate diary where you share your thoughts and feelings and musings.
• Built around a challenge or a project - Julie and Julia is a great example of this. Her blog was built around her challenge to cook every recipe in Julia Child's cookbook over the span of a year. Many bloggers have done gimmicky project blogs like this. It's fun, it propels you forward, defines your blog, and it can be catchy.
• Or it might be less of a project, but more about a particular life experience - losing weight, infertility,  medical challenges, planning a wedding, remodeling a house, etc.

Give it some thought and when you start blogging you'll have a direction. But you're not locked in. So don't get paralyzed with worry that you have to make it perfect. You can evolve and change!

Picking a name for your blog
Some people know from the start what they want their blog name to be, but if you don't know, it helps to define your theme and purpose for your blog first. Once you've done that, brainstorm, brainstorm, brainstorm. Brainstorm words, then mix and match to brainstorm combinations of words. Come up with tons of possible names, then narrow it down. Make sure the name has the emotional tenor that you want. And don't forget to check whether or not there are other blogs or businesses by that name.

Deciding which platform to blog on, deciding whether to own your own URL and blog on your own server
This is not my area of expertise. I don't currently consider myself a pro-blogger, so I went with the simplest option on Blogger.  But there are lots of options. The hard-core pros tend to recommend using Wordpress, buying your domain name, and hosting it yourself. If you plan to build a business or professional presence off of your blog, it's worth consideration, but if you're not dead serious about making money, if it's just a fun outlet, I wouldn't recommend sweating bullets over this choice.  And besides Blogger and Wordpress, you could also look at other easy options, like Tumblr, Posterous, Pinterest, etc.

Tumblr and Pinterest are super fun and easy to get started and they're a bit more anonymous and less personal. The downside is that they are more visual, more collective, communal and stream of consciousness (and sometimes you'll find your consciousness polluted by that stream - or at least that's my experience on Tumblr where I occasionally find stuff that is NSFW and pisses me off). Also, if you want to write long, wordy posts, it's less of a fit andTumblr and Pinterest (in my opinion) don't offer as many ways to easily personalize your space and make it your home with things like widgets. But if you're feeling nervy about putting yourself out there in public domain or afraid blogging will be hard, try one of these to start with and get comfortable - then consider moving into something like Blogger or Wordpress. Also, Posterous and Blogger have private blogging options if you want to start out private while you're still learning your way.

Designing your blog (egads!)
This is isn't easy, but it's very possible. I'm not a web geek, but I've learned enough to get by and if I can, you can too. It's hard if you're a longtime blog lover, because you're used to gorgeous blogs, and when you design your own, you choke. Your first attempts don't match up to the ideals in your mind. It's like "what do I do? how do I get my blog to look pretty?"

When it comes to actual design, there are several easy approaches ('cuz I'm all about the easy, baby). First, look at Etsy. There are lots of people on Etsy offering pre-designed templates, banners and images, as well as totally custom packages. One approach would be to use a simple template on your blog, but pay someone to create a gorgeous banner image that captures your style. If you're wigged out by the prospect of design but you want your blog to look amazing, you could also pay someone to do the whole thing. My blogging friend the Fairytale Hausfrau is a great example of a lovely blog soup to nuts, with design services from Happy Loves Rosie. I've certainly considered having someone design my blog, but for now DIY works for me.

If you want to go the DIY route, I recommend finding blogs you read whose style you like, then look for things they have in common. For example, in my case, I noticed the blogs I liked had a white background, a certain text layout and a photographic banner at the top of the page and a relatively minimalist feel. With that information in mind, I went looking for the Blogger template that was most similar to that and worked from there. With photography, color, font choices and simple photo editing, you would be amazed at what you can do to add your own personality onto a simple template like the one I use in Blogger.

Simple can be amazing. A few examples:

• Dottie Angel. Simple white background. The personality on this site is offered by her banner image and sidebar images, which bear her style and the same font forms a unifying element.
• Concrete Honey.
• Posie gets cosy
• Kansas Couture

One tool it helps to know: Picnik. Maybe you think you need Photoshop. Well, I haven't needed it yet. Picnik. It's online. It's free. It's easy. Hard to beat. I use Picnik to crop, resize, brighten, lighten, and do special effects.  I also use Picnik to make the banners and images on my blog. I can insert stickers and text and pick my own font and font color and size.

Take lots and lots of photos of all sorts of things that appeal to you. Your camera is your friend. Start to use it creatively. Your own photo is yours to use and abuse as you see fit and it provides a more personal feel to your blog. You can use those photos, picking something evocative and visually appealing and adding your own fonts, colors and stickers to make banners and buttons.

*********

So that's enough of an info dump for today! But sometime soon I hope to share a bit about building your about page, where to get photos, some of my favorite blogging classes and information sources.

Happy blogging, friends!

Too good not to share - diorama edition

*via Floralis

It's Friday, and I feel like sharing a few things that make me smile. I may have mentioned my growing addiction to Tumblr.  It is peeping into windows of worlds that people create. I like to think of them as museums or dioramas or collages or art exhibits or collections. I'm fascinated by what people pretend and create and collect - the sometimes very unique points of view that shine through.

A few I've found intriguing:

A piece of what inspires me - Gorgeous design.  Nature. Abstract beauty.

Traced Footsteps is a heady mix of adolescent idealism, summer dreams and cupcakes. I can't say I understand their obsession with valley girls in cut off jean shorts (lost restless youth?), but I love the optimistic little quips and quotes which is why I follow.

Danse Boheme - Dark, dreamy, literary. And Crowns of Ivy who "likes mori girl fashion, history, tea, faeries and wildflowers."

*via Summer Battles

Summer Battles - Oh my gorgeousness.  I love this eye-catching selection of colors and patterns that evokes exotic travels and bohemian wanderings.

Floralis - All things floral, also feeds my pretty addiction while Hollyhock and Tulips and MyVintageVogue quench my thirst for vintage style.

Finding my cup of tea, Teatotalism, and That Tea Blog - All about tea, of course.

One More Lurker  and  The Playground of Incredible Boredom and Kath Thornton - just to prove to you how quirky and specific Tumblr can be - these people (and I'm sure there are many others) are totally obsessed with Richard Armitage.  Not that I am - I just happen to like North and South, but I ended up finding these things because of my costume drama movie love.

Period films - Speaking of costume dramas, this Tumblr is one of the most brilliant I've found on the subject. There is also an entire Tumblr, solely devoted to a single adaptation of Emma and a Tumblr called Darcy Bewitched Me. Sometimes I fall in love with a Tumblr for the name alone.

For people who love books, there are quite a few Tumblrs to keep you happy forever.  Here's just a few: Women Reading, Musings of a Wannabe Writer, Story Girl, Pretty Books, Teaching Literacy

Of course the one thing I seem to see EVERYWHERE on Tumblr is all things Harry Potter. I scratch my head wondering if everyone in the universe is geeked out on Harry Potter. But it really goes for any celeb or entertainment or style phenomenon.  Jane Austen. Audrey Hepburn. Hunger Games. Twilight. Gossip Girls. Gilmore Girls. Mori Girls.  I promise you - if you like it, it's out there. People love to go fanboy over their favorite celeb, movie, book, whatever.  You could look down your nose, say it is so pedestrian, this cheap phenomenon, a dumbed down mass culture.

*via Kimpertinence (who, by the way, does the most amazing art)

But here's the way I see it.  When people post a screenshot from a film or a quote from a book, it is because it means something to them. When there is art (a movie, a story, an image) that people love, they claim it as their own, make it their own, participate in it, expand it, experiment with it, share it, talk about it.   It's what artists have been doing for thousands of years, feeding off of each other. And finally it's a more accessible way that the common man can be part of it. And I think that is so cool!

Anything you're a fanboy over? If you were starting a Tumblr today what would you do?

Come play!

*via Dominic's pics

In the process of blogging, I've met quite a few people who maybe-kinda-sorta want to start a blog but are on the fence.  This was me for about 3 years before I started a blog of my own.

It's perfectly fine to be on that fence, but I want to give a little shout out and encouragement to JUST DO IT!  Just start TODAY.  Start expressing yourself.  Start playing.  Just start scrapbooking and collecting and curating and documenting your world.  As soon as you do, you'll wonder why you were waiting.

If you're not developing a business, if you're not monetizing your blog (egads, don't get me started on the nightmare that dream can be), then you're a free agent, free to experiment in the world. Why not start today?

Consider alternate forms of expression.
Traditional blogs aren't the only forum you can use to express and connect.  Besides WordPress and Blogger, there is also Posterous, Tumblr, Pinterest, or even Goodreads if you're a book lover!

Consider your anonymity options.
If you aren't comfortable with being online due to fears of stalkers, identity stealers, or nosy nellies, that's okay. You don't have to be fully exposed on your blog. You could use an alter ego or an alias. Obviously, don't be stupid and do illegal or crass things with an alter ego.  I just suggest this as an option for people who are uncomfortable putting themselves online. You could also start a private blog and only invite select friends to follow. Of course worrying about being found out may not be a big problem, because the truth is, you may not have the flood of readers you're expecting. So...

Don't worry about readers or followers for awhile, maybe forever.
Here's a hint: don't treat blogging like a popularity contest.  Didn't we get enough of that in high school? Who would want to bring that one back? Just start expressing yourself - learning to do it, getting comfortable with  it. You can worry about stats later if you want to, but first get your feet wet.  If you worry about it too much, it takes away the fun and if it's not fun, you'll dry up and get the dreaded blogger's block.

Don't be afraid to be yourself.  
But what if I post about my salt and pepper shaker collection and some random person thinks I'm lame? What if my Aunt Bertha doesn't like the playlist I've posted? What if a co-worker finds out I like to watch Battlestar Galactica and buy yellow shoes? All of these scenarios are probably a huge case of thinking other people think about you way more than they really do.  Be yourself and the world will find out who you are - but is that really so bad?

I will throw out a caveat though. Use common sense. Maybe it goes without saying, but don't be nasty, ugly, offensive or NSFW.  As far as career concerns go, that's up to you.  Decide on your image in your chosen field and make sure nothing you do violates that.  For me, I've decided that if someone doesn't like my creative spirit, experimental ideas and sense of fun then I'm probably not a great fit anyway.  But that's a choice I can make in my chosen field.

Don't make it a bigger deal than it is.
Some people feel it's arrogant to start a blog - like you are proclaiming yourself an expert or as if it's a statement of self-importance to think others will care about what you have to say. Yes, blogging is a public platform where you interact with others.  But it's also an online journal, a scrapbook of your world, a place to express yourself.  Some people will be interested in your world, some won't.  Who cares? Starting a blog isn't starting a business, it's not competing for Miss America, being on a reality tv show or becoming an online celebrity. It's not a big deal!

Experiment.
You may say "I don't know what I want to blog about.  I don't know what my thing is." That's okay. Just experiment for awhile.  Build a throw away blog or Tumblr for a month or two and just play.  You may see patterns developing. You may discover what your thing is. Aren't you curious?

If you start a new blog or Tumblr or what not, let me know so I can follow! The online world is your playground. Come play!

Time for a Lorelai Gilmore Day

I declare a blog holiday.  

I've been under duress lately, and as my husband so wisely said "something's got to give".  Blogging is one of my joys, but a voluntary one.  So for now "it's gotta give".  For the next week I won't be posting, reading or commenting - a self-imposed digital holiday.

During this holiday, I'd like to:
1. Restore order to my home.
2. Give a little more care and attention to my poor body - naps, walks, salads, wrist rest, hair styling!
3. Focus on writing. Of course, what else?
4. Read some of those dangling unfinished books that are bugging me.  So I can start new ones of course!
5. Have a Lorelai Gilmore day.  Huh, you say? What the heck is a Lorelai Gilmore day?  If you never watched the Gilmore Girls, I will fill you in.  It consists of renting silly movies and eating junk food while wearing your pajamas and sitting around with a friend making witty comments. 

Happy Holidays!  And I'll see you next week.

Blog lovers, unite!

 *via Enokson

Some have said "Blogs are dead" or that if you don't blog a certain way, your blog doesn't deserve to exist and to that I say "Whatever".  I'm an entrenched blog lover and I suspect there are millions like me.

If you love to read, follow, comment and write in the blogosphere, well I say, "Hello, nice to meet you. And I do too!"

I was a blog lover years before I started my own blog. When I finally took the leap the range and intensity of emotions I felt took me by surprise.  Sheer fun.  Terror.  Disappointment.  And then fun again. Learning curves. Pain in my wrists from being on the laptop too much. Covering my eyes and hitting publish on a post I was nervous to put out there.  Heart-warming sensations from reading comments and making new connections.

Even though I'm not currently what you might call a pro-blogger, I love it and take it seriously.  Blogging is both an art and experience, and sometimes I just wish I could sit down and have a heart to heart with fellow bloggers about blogging.

So imagine my surprise (delight, glee) when one of my favorite bloggers, Alison at BrocanteHome came out with two amazing resources for bloggers within the same week.

First up was the Blog Planner.  Gee whiz, there is a lot in this thing.  I haven't been very organized with my blog - keeping track of posts, readers, theme changes, stats, etc.  But wow. If I have no excuses now.  There is almost nothing this Blog Planner doesn't include - including of all things, directions for what to do with your blog after your unfortunate demise, which, while a gloomy thought, is actually a needed one.

Then I was doing cartwheels when I found Alison's starting a brand spanking new blog called Blogging for Girls.   I can't do it justice here - so you must go visit, but it promises to be not only informational, but inspirational as well.  So if you're a femme-blogger spread the word and join in!

Happy Friday!

Looking for unicorns and glitter

 *via egerard

I love blogs, okay?  For about six years now.  So you won't find me collectively lambasting them here.  But I have found myself in this pattern lately.... Whenever I'm feeling restless in the soul I find my fingers wandering the keyboard, roaming the blogosphere in search of... something.  I do not know what I am in search of.

The answer to my restlessness. Inspiration.  The hidden key to happiness. Cute pictures of baby kittens.  A eureka moment.  An indie music video on YouTube.  A kindred spirit. A book recommendation for the book that would whisk me away. An easy recipe for croissants.  A diet to lose belly fat by eating a rainbow of macaroons while wearing pink sequined slippers. A free scholarship to a three month writer's retreat in Paris that also involves copious eating of macaroons. 

Or in the words of that annoying insurance commercial girl, "Unicorns and glitter".

What is it that I'm looking for?  Because I oh so rarely find it.

But I've realized that I already know what I'm looking for.  I already know what will make me happier. But it requires action and it's tempting to keep looking outside of myself, hoping something easier and more magical will come along.

I don't need an article about how to be happy.  I don't need an ebook on how to start a new career.  I don't need a 10 day bootcamp workout.  I don't need top twenty tips on tweeting on twitter.

I simply need to step away from the computer and wash the dirty dishes in my sink.  Then I need to make a cup of tea, and finish reading that book I started too long ago.  Then I need to take a walk and get some fresh air.  Then I need to call a friend. Then I need to go to a coffee shop and write a scene.  That is all.

Blogs are "lover-ly" as Audrey would say in My Fair Lady.  But sometimes they get out of hand.  And I just need to learn when I have that restless feeling to quit looking for the answer somewhere outside of me.

Anyone else having trouble unplugging these days? (And yes I recognize the irony of asking that question on a blog).

Who am I?

Why am I hearing the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland say "And WHHHOOO ARRRRE YOUUU?"

Ah, yes, it's mostly uber reflective people like me who ask these sorts of confusing questions about ourselves that seem so obvious to everyone else.  And if you like uber reflectivity, you're probably reading this blog.  So if you don't, I won't worry about it.

So, I wanted to share that I'm starting an online class called The Declaration of You and I'm so, so, excited about it.  I wanted to do this last year when it first came out but I just didn't have the time.  What I love about this is it is an online program from Michelle Ward, a life coach who specializes in helping creatives and "renaissance souls" discover their path. It also includes Jessica Swift who lends her playful artistry to everything!  So I'll be sharing my little discoveries as I go through the class.

And in the land of quirky coincidences, my jaw-dropped when one of my favorite bloggers - Alison from Brocante Home, unveiled her new Muse project for the year.

In her words:

welcome to my latest project: MUSE. A six month long, 12 download journey to a meeting with your inner muse, that starts around the 3rd of March… taking in Anais Nin, The Wizard of Oz and Anne of Green Gables along the way!

Alison is so inspiring and real to me and I can't wait to hear her musings about becoming your own muse!

But I was shocked because it was a topic that had been rambling about in my mind.  I recently had a click of recognition.  You see suddenly one day I just realized that to a vast degree, you are who you think you are and you are what you act out.

Who you think you are is very important.  But often our action in life doesn't match what's really going on in our souls which creates a disconnect. 

For example, let's say that you have always longed to varnish your finger nails a brilliant shade of emerald green or cut your hair in a dramatically new style.  But you say to yourself "But that isn't me." or "I couldn't pull it off" or "I'm not bold like that".   Now imagine the same scenario applied to a gorgeous pair of yellow shoes or a bright red sofa or a bold wallpaper. Or it could go in the other direction - you might be the boho, bright-prints, messy type, all scattered, and flibbertigibbet and inside you're longing for a sleek minimalist aesthetic with zero clutter - an all white house and a sleek black wardrobe with modern jewelry. These are surface examples, but it can go deeper to longings to travel, to live somewhere else, to change careers, to make new friends, to try new things.

 And the realization I've had is that you can pull off any dang thing you want to!  It's totally up to you!  The only person holding you back is you, telling you that thing you're longing for doesn't fit with your preconceived idea of self.  But guess what? Who is longing for it? You - your self!  You don't fit in a box and you don't have to.  You can completely define what you love and what makes up much of the world around you.

This was freeing for me.  I see so many points in my life where I've been the one holding myself back because I'm afraid of what other people might think or because it's some new facet of me that's emerged that I'm pushing away because it's unfamiliar and doesn't fit in the box I've already drawn around myself.

I'm usually pretty in touch with "who" I am. But sometimes it's a free for all - all sorts of things jumbled up in there.  I'd like to get a more defined, tight sense of my essence which is part of why I'm doing the Declaration of You class.

But my biggest problem is feeling free to express it.  This blog for me has been an exercise, an experiment, that's helped me do that more and more - becoming less and less afraid to share my creative quirky side - both online and in the real world.

But I still have a wall I need to break through.  As a writer, that's one of the things holding me back. With Declaration of You and Muse, plus all of this rolling around in my head... This might be my year!

Bloggers or lifestyle artists?

 *via Pandora

I've been recently fascinated by these bloggers who create worlds and use themselves to make art.

I tend to find  fashion blogging (not just randomly posting about fashion, but posting photos of yourself in your own outfits on a regular basis) to be a mixture of beauty, fantasy, voyeurism, creativity, and pretentiousness.  Sometimes I wonder what our world has come to - that people, seriously, spend vast amounts of time documenting the permutations of their wardrobe - but they document it because they love it and because others (including me) love to watch it - even if it's only on rare occasions. I mean why do I look?  To get inspiration!  Real-life, real-people inspiration that just doesn't compare to the pages of a fashion magazine.

*via The Cherry Blossom Girl

But fashion blogging is evolving - it's no longer standing stock still for a photo and describing your outfit.  Oh no, now there are settings like woods and snow and beaches and parks - each one a full-fledged photoshoot with multiple poses and shots and set dressing.

Some people have taken fashion blogging to a whole new level - far beyond fashion- and into the realm of art.  There is a group that no longer deserve to be called bloggers and should perhaps be called visual artists or life artists instead. Maybe we should invent a word like blogartist?

I think my very favorite blogs are blogartists.  They have this quality of capturing a very specific real person with a specific point of view in the world.  Some bloggers do it in words, but these bloggers use images.

*via Making Magique

They are not documenting the world as it is, but creating a new world of fantasy that centers around themselves. These are beautiful women, who use themselves as a canvas and conjure settings and moods.  They are fashion stylists and photo stylists and models and actresses all in one. 

Seeing the imagery they create can be inspiring.  It whisks you away into a fantasy - imagining you are a pretty girl in Paris wearing outrageous clothing, spending the afternoon at a tea shop, sketching in your artist's notebook.

 *via Sea of Shoes

It's a strange art, perhaps - coming off as a little narcissistic and sometimes too intimate, like peeping into someone's boudoir. And there are questions to be sure.  How healthy is fantasy?  How much is too much? And those who take life very seriously would say it's a sign of affluence that we have the luxury to even visit, much less create these blogs.  And isn't there more to beauty than outward appearance?  Isn't life more than illusory moments captured on film?

But on the flip side... Isn't art a source of beauty and inspiration and imagination?  Doesn't art take a single image or symbol and use it to say so much more? What's the difference between an amazing painter or poet and one of these women who creates worlds with their photographs and their eyes?  And don't images sometimes lead us somewhere deeper without words?

I must say I'm conflicted in opinion.  After all, I'm still watching, aren't I? I can't help but be utterly fascinated and curious as I wonder...
Who takes their photos?  Do they take their own or do they have a boyfriend or a friend who does it all?
How many hours a week do they spend doing this?
Why do they do it?  Obviously for some, it's become a source of income, so the answer might seem obvious.  But why did they start?
What are their aspirations?  Where might they go with all this?
Where do they put all their clothes? And how do they get all their clothes?  And for those in couture - how do they afford all their clothes?
Where do they get their ego? (And how can I get some?) It must take an awful lot of self-confidence to make yourself the very center of attention and it's not something that comes naturally to me - and sometimes I wish it did.

p.s. The other day I found myself running out to the mailbox wearing an outfit that was so very hilariously terrible (a royal blue tee with a clashing avocado wool sweater worn just for warmth, capri yoga pants, and knee-high turquoise and yellow argyle socks with a pair of flats) - a casualty of working at home - that I wanted to take a picture of it and post it for humor.  But my picture didn't even turn out well, so I leave it to your imagination.

Escape from the land of "shoulds"

This week I wrote about 2011 being the year of doing less and saying goodbye to my list of "shoulds".  Well, this applies to my blog too.  The sad truth is I've felt tired of blogging lately and it's mostly because of the expectations I impose on myself, a nasty little list of shoulds.  I have tried many times to free myself from this list of shoulds, but they keep coming back. 


I should... post a predefined number of times a week, and post something extraordinary and exciting and dazzling. It doesn't matter whether it's what I want to post, it should be something I think people will like.
I should use my own photographs.  And I should be a good photographer.
I should be visiting and commenting on other blogs all the time and aggressively developing relationships with fellow bloggers. I should be ambitious about my blog.  I should be committed.  I should act like it's a business.

All these shoulds can smother the freedom and joy of blogging, and I've been struggling with them for awhile.  I keep trying to cut the cords - unsuccessfully. So I want to redefine my relationship with this blogging pastime. I don't want to swallow the culture of blog-land lock, stock, and barrel.  What makes for a brilliant blog may not make for a wonderful life. And I don't want to confuse the two.

I'm tired of the oppressive need for the new.  New outfits, new rooms, new finds, new crafts, new books, new ideas.  There is nothing wrong with new.  But I'm tired of the speed of it all, the demands.

I'm tired of "doing" and "consuming".  I want to "be" more.  And guess what?  "Being" can be dull to blog about. This leads to a sense of guilt and shame - isn't my life boring if I have nothing exciting to blog about?  But where do I get this idea from? Who says our lives "should" constantly be exciting and new at a constant bracing speed? Isn't that a dangerous expectation?

I think what it comes down to is that the blogging culture and pressures and rules I feel immersed in are just not a good fit with where I'm at and what I want in life right now.

So there's going to be some changes... I'm escaping from the land of shoulds!

What I want to blog about in 2011:

Writing - my journey as a writer trying to get published.
Books and movies - as I'm inspired.
Philosophical musings - these just happen, I can't help it.
And the things I've been afraid to write about, but where I really hope to inspire and help others.  One being my own struggles with growing older and losing my rose colored glasses -  endometriosis and growing and grieving through the loss of my dreams around motherhood.
Bits of beauty here and there - it might be visual inspiration, craft, fashion, style, decor, food, but this is as I feel inspired and not the focus.

And I want to blog as I'm inspired.  Not on a schedule.  I'm burning the shoulds.

And while that bonfire is crackling, I'm going to be on a blog break for at least two weeks.

I wish all of you a Happy New Year!  And the bravery to finally do that thing that's been nagging at you for a long time...