Middle of the night

You might be wondering how things are going... I have a split second to tell you, so I'll instead share a middle of the night email I sent to a friend, which tells you much about the last few weeks. I have much more to share, but will wait until those openings that would allow me to type freely.

i'm skipping capitalization since typing one handed while breastfeeding... i want to write you back a long thoughtful email, but it's tough. i so rarely have hands free time at the moment and it tends to go to eating and barely grooming. these first two weeks have been really rough, not helped by a rocky start - a sudden, unexpected super fast and intense early labor that turned into a vacuum assisted delivery that turned into an emergency c-section under general anesthesia. since then it's been a dance of 2 steps forward and 1 back.  Whenever I have agood day or night and start to think we're settling in, it's inevitably followed by a bad day or night that counters that notion.

don't want to sound all downer, but just the place i'm dwelling in at the moment - the land of hair in messy buns, sore boobs in sweaty nursing tanks, still wearing mesh panties from the hospital and yoga pants or XL pajama bottoms every day, always waiting for a sliver of time to pee or brush my teeth or microwave leftovers for lunch. while i'm sure this is normal, it doesn't make it less difficult. 

but will is here and he's gorgeous and healthy and hungry and heavy in my arms. we're getting to know each other better everyday.

i miss writing - i don't know when i'll blog again. it's how i process and express things and there is soooo much i want to share from the past 2 wks. i guess i'll have to wait, because my dance card is full...


  1. Oh congratulations Vmichelle and partner too....I'm so happy for you and your family. Enjoy this precious time with your little man...things will get easier but in the meantime don't worry about unnecessary things like housework and enjoy the moment...

    He's beautiful...and thank god healthy and hungry...

    Lots of love,

  2. ps you look beautiful too...and very happy and contented...
    Take care,D

  3. Hello...
    I think you said it best when you said, "while i'm sure this is normal, it doesn't make it less difficult."
    Because that is exactly how it is. The first few weeks are the worst. But it does get better!
    Just hold on to that glimmer of hope!
    And it's okay to have mixed emotions... and a hatred of mesh panties!! UGH!
    Kiss that baby boy and hang in there for the rough patches and embrace the tender moments.

  4. Congratulations and hold onto your beautiful boy and every good moment. The hard times do pass, though it seems slow now.
    Soon you'll find that typing one handed becomes second nature. :)
    Do you have any family nearby that can help you out? I don't know how I would have made it without the support of my family and friends, who were stubborn enough to show up even when I was too stubborn to ask them.

  5. Very familier. Take your time and know that it does get easier.

  6. Oh baby..

    First, that picture of you is gorgeous!!

    Second, I know exactly what you mean and how you feel and am just sending you a snuggly blanket of love and smiles to get you through this time. I'm so grateful that little Will is here safely and snuggled in your loving arms. I'm living it right there by your side, but in a different scenario..

    It's a humongous job that to have the person you love the most in this world be completely and totally dependent on you.. It takes million little details to "do it right," and is a world of uncertainty when you are trying to feel your way around to figure out what that looks like. It is physically and emotionally exhausting, and at the same time it's the most meaningful way to spend your time. The love that courses through you just when you think you are going to lose it lifts you up and makes you want to sing all at the same time you feel like crying from frustration or exhaustion.

    Sending you lots and lots of love sweetie.. when I get back in town I'll leave you a little something to let you know that there's also people here to help you when you need it and won't need a lot of instruction on how to do whatever it is you need.

    So glad you guys are snugged in.. and hope you can get some sleep.

    Much love -

  7. Congratulations! Like the others said, it really IS a difficult but at the same time such a special time getting to know your new little son! It's just a blur of repeated activities, but so special, that bonding time. And it does get easier and you will be able to type with 2 hands again...sooner than you think! :)