26 weeks

Me, playing with the camera. Sometimes I like the outtakes better. I'm 26 weeks tomorrow. So let's just call this my 26 weeks post. 


How I'm feeling physically:
It's hard to complain. Other than some discomfort at night, heartburn when I eat spicy foods, and breathlessness that seems to strike at random times, I have no physical complaints. Still struggling with the feeling of getting huge, even though, objectively speaking, I think I'm normal. I went to my 24 week appointment and everything is A-OK.

How I'm feeling emotionally:
A bit restless lately in an in-between place. Still 14 weeks before my due date. Sometimes it seems like for-ever, so very far away, and then I have a sudden insight into how close it is and I think I shouldn't be so laid back and as I vacillate between those two perspectives, I'm not sure what to do with myself. Do I rush out and buy a crib next week? Do I clear out the garage? Or do I do something fun and escapist while I still can? I have visions of taking on the world and having everything in perfect order before the baby comes, but I have little motivation to get out and tackle the garage. I've also been missing writing. The books I've been getting from the library have been disappointing me and I find my mind wandering back to characters I've created.

I've also been struck lately by the "will I be a good enough parent" panic. I believe I'll be a good nurturer and caretaker to this little one, but I think about education, preparation for the real world, adulthood, emotional and character foundations - all those things that are challenges every human faces and I think about my little baby, wishing he could just leap right over them with super-human strength that I could somehow endow him with, that he wouldn't feel the pains common to humanity. The truth is, I have no super-human perfection to pass along. No one does. I have to just do the best I can, and watch and pray and hope and love as he grows.

Highlights:

• My favorite is still the little moments, when baby gets super active. I love to feel him move around.
• Chatting with one of my good friends about all those nagging things like baby feeding and sleeping techniques and philosophies.
• Buying my diaper bag! I know. I am such a girl, okay? But it was a big deal to me. I spent hours looking around online before I found just the one I wanted. I debated on whether I wanted one that was super fun and screamed "diaper bag", but in the end I decided to go with one that could pass as a purse instead. I figure if I'm going to make a quick grocery store run, I can throw my wallet and keys into the diaper bag and still have all the baby stuff, but not look like I'm carrying a diaper bag. We'll see how all my little theories pan out in real life. ;-)