The Mama Letters: At six weeks

Funny. Day to day life with a baby has vastly improved. And yet I am blogging less than ever. This might be my new normal for awhile. I have more free time now, but still find myself closely guarding it and making tough choices - brush teeth, cook dinner, read a book, take a nap, or call a friend? And blogging just hasn't been high on that list even though there is much I want to say.

I want to say how I found myself accidentally falling into the Attachment Parenting philosophy. And how conflicted I feel with all the contradictory advice and books out there, even so. I want to share some of the blogs I have found that have set me at ease or lifted my spirits. I want to share my favorite things as a new mum and the organizational strategies giving me a toehold on sanity.

I want to tell you how I'm learning to interpret Will's cries, but still how many times I've melted down, how much I hate to see the baby cry, how I so often don't know what to do.

I want to say how the iPad has become my new best friend (including Instagram, obviously by this post), that and Netflix, and how my butt is taking on the shape of a sofa cushion as a consequence.

I want to say how the last 10 minutes of Birdsong made me cry, even though I tried to hide it. To love and be loved, that's all there is, said one of the characters as he was dying, speaking about his son, who he said "was the best of him". Or I think that's what he said, whatever it was made me want to blubber as I thought about my son.

I want to say how much I adore our new Snugabunny swing, even though if I were hardcore Attachment Parenting, I would be horrified at this confession. Snugabunny swing, I salute you.

I want to lament what a piss poor friend I am right now, not answering telephones and taking forever to email back or even answer a message on Facebook.

 I want to tell you what a wonderful feeling it is sitting in my favorite coffee shop again, eating a ham and cheese croissant for lunch, typing with two hands for once, while my gorgeous little baby sleeps away in his car seat.