Middle of the night

You might be wondering how things are going... I have a split second to tell you, so I'll instead share a middle of the night email I sent to a friend, which tells you much about the last few weeks. I have much more to share, but will wait until those openings that would allow me to type freely.

hi,

i'm skipping capitalization since typing one handed while breastfeeding... i want to write you back a long thoughtful email, but it's tough. i so rarely have hands free time at the moment and it tends to go to eating and barely grooming. these first two weeks have been really rough, not helped by a rocky start - a sudden, unexpected super fast and intense early labor that turned into a vacuum assisted delivery that turned into an emergency c-section under general anesthesia. since then it's been a dance of 2 steps forward and 1 back.  Whenever I have agood day or night and start to think we're settling in, it's inevitably followed by a bad day or night that counters that notion.

don't want to sound all downer, but just the place i'm dwelling in at the moment - the land of hair in messy buns, sore boobs in sweaty nursing tanks, still wearing mesh panties from the hospital and yoga pants or XL pajama bottoms every day, always waiting for a sliver of time to pee or brush my teeth or microwave leftovers for lunch. while i'm sure this is normal, it doesn't make it less difficult. 

but will is here and he's gorgeous and healthy and hungry and heavy in my arms. we're getting to know each other better everyday.

i miss writing - i don't know when i'll blog again. it's how i process and express things and there is soooo much i want to share from the past 2 wks. i guess i'll have to wait, because my dance card is full...