Too good not to share

Here's a few things I couldn't resist sharing this week...

SO CUTE - A palette painted with the Union Jack. I want to bring this home with me. I don't know why I like these British things! I suppose it's all the books I read full of British wit and teatime. Courtesy of Recyclart, a web site that makes you see "stuff" in a new way.

 
When I read this post on Peace on my plate the idea of "primary food" and "secondary food" wowed me.  Primary food being what feeds your soul, and when you are short on primary food you are depressed, stressed, anxious, and unhappy... and you go seeking secondary food. Hello, Doritos and Haagen-Dazs, baby!  An interesting read and great "food for thought".

Becoming Lola - And speaking of food... it's hard to resist a foodie blog that is just so delicious and cute and pretty and sweet.  I love pretty food!

One Word - This is a simple warm up and brainstorming exercise I've been playing around with when I need a mental transition.  One Word gives you a word prompt and invites you to quickly write about it.  Go play!

Happy Friday!

Still in the game

I wish I could remember where I read this... But I wrote it down and it's had a home on my Inspiration Board ever since, reminding me that I'm the one with the power - the power to give up on my dreams or go on.

Potential, possiblity and other magical words

 *via anyjazz65

I've been musing on the words "potential" and "possibility". As I've grown older, I've lost the sense of magical possibility, a feeling of doors still waiting to be opened.

I remember the first day of school every year I wondered who I might meet - a best friend, a whole coterie of best friends, a cute boy or a whole row of them?  Would I like French class? Fail Algebra? Get cast in the school play? Get asked to the dance? What might happen?  I felt the same sensation on birthdays and New Year's Eve.  A year stretched ahead of me where ANYTHING could happen.

And many things did happen... Interesting people, travel to exotic places, secret admirers, embarrassing moments.

But as I've gotten older my life seems so stable.  Stability is a wonderful thing.  I'm hardly complaining about the fact that I've lived in the same place for eight years.  I hate moving.  I wouldn't trade my wonderful husband for all the first dates and pickup lines in the world. And my steady job?  I'm grateful for it.

But with so much stability, I sometimes miss that sense that anything could happen, that suddenly I could turn a corner and some magical new development would appear.

So I've started thinking about spending my time and money on things that present possibilities. Like going to a writers meetup or workshop where I might meet other writers and make an amazing new connection.  Taking an online course like Declaration of You!  Writing a book, opening up the possibility of having a book published.  Traveling, opening up the possibility of seeing new places. Taking a crafty or artsy class, opening up the possibility of discovering a new passion and meeting new friends.  Blogging, sharing what I love and opening up the possibility of meeting others on the same wavelength.

There are many things I do that don't open up possibilities. Buying a new outfit or redecorating a room is nice and I would certainly enjoy it.  But it doesn't open up possibilities.  Cleaning my house is rewarding.  But no possibilities. Watching tv is a nice way to veg, but also no possibilities.

So as I think about where my life energy goes, I want to make sure that I invest some of it in opening up possibilities and bringing a little of that childlike magic back.

What about you?  Do you ever feel this way?  What do you do to open up that door of possibility?

Chick Flicks: Bonnet babes in period films

My Chick Flicks guide continues on with bonnet flicks!

I will admit a weakness for chick flicks of the bonnet flick genre.  I prefer this term to the more staid "costume drama" or "period film" label.  It makes me laugh, how I'm drawn like a magnet to these sort of movies. It's not the costumes themselves that are the lure - although those are always fun.  But the costumes are a signal of what type of story to expect, usually old-fashioned at its heart.

Jane Austen is the reigning queen of bonnet flicks, but there is so much more beyond Jane Austen waiting to be discovered.  So let's whiz right past the obvious into fresh territory.

North and South - one of my favorite undiscovered gems.  (And no!  It's not the American Civil War tv  starring Patrick Swayze - that's what everyone from my generation thinks of.) Long and more serious in tone than your Jane Austen romp, but swoon-worthy.  Most women I know haven't heard of it.  And the ones who have seen it have loved it.

Daniel Deronda - This movie is delightfully full of characters you have a love-hate relationship with and regularly want to slap, but still somehow care about anyway.  And although it is full of tragic and dramatic twists and turns, there is a sense of happiness at the end.

Little Dorrit - Admittedly Dickens sometimes overwhelms me with twisted plots and many characters, not too mention the frequently indecipherable accents for a Yankee.  But I still enjoyed this one starring Matthew MacFayden of Mr. Darcy fame.

Cranford  - I love these spinster ladies!  Busybodies can stir up so much mischief.  Such great acting, such colorful personalities. 

Nicholas Nickleby - This film seemed to fly right underneath the radar, but it's really lovely.  It's Dickens again and you have the classic orphan tale, but also a fun stint with colorful theater folk, a loyal friendship and a sweet love story.

Vanity Fair - This is a such a colorful visually striking film with Reese Witherspoon as Becky Sharp.

Marie Antoinette - Not your usually bonnet flick.  It's not so much about plot and script as it is a visual, musical and emotional collage.  If you can view it as an evocative piece of art instead of a movie, you'll see it through different eyes.  I was so inspired, I put together a nail polish collection inspired by it.

The Illusionist - This is the kind of quiet movie that sits on a shelf that you've never heard of, but when you finally watch it you're so glad you did. I will admit I had a hard time buying Jessica Biel as a German princess.  But otherwise this is a fascinating and fun movie. 

Miss Potter - Renee Zellwegger inspires as a determined artist who doesn't let herself be held back by everyone else's expectations.

Washington Square - This Henry James adaptation isn't sickly sweet.  It's almost bitter and sad.  But it was a brilliant story and Jennifer Jason Leigh did an amazing job in the lead.

Young Victoria - This movie is slow, sweet, gentle and terribly, beautifully old-fashioned.  I loved it.  And the costumes - amazing!

The Duchess - Happy movie lovers look away.  Those who love a little Keira Knightley pouting, lavish costumes and heart-yanking, join in this drama about extravagant style icon, the Duchess of Yorkshire.  Also love Hayley Atwell in this film.

Her Majesty, Mrs. Brown - Not your typical young woman at the height of her beauty bonnet tale. Queen Victoria in her golden years grows to love an unsuitable rowdy Scotsman.  Amazing acting.  And the fact that it's based on true people makes it more intriguing.

Bright Star - Get out the hankies.  Wait! Forget the hankies.  Get the box of Kleenex.  If you can handle having your guts ripped out by seductively beautiful, poetic, languorous, tragic love, this is your film.  See my full review of this movie.


Recommended double features:
Bawl your eyes out: Bright Star and Miss Potter
Queen Victoria falls in love twice!!!: Young Victoria and Mrs. Brown

Big hair, big dresses: Marie Antoinette and The Duchess

I need a yarn-ucation

 *via orchidgalore

I need a yarn-ucation - not a yarn vacation.  But a yarn education.

My good friend Amy who blogs at Rooted asked me recently what I knew about yarn and about my favorite yarn.  She's learning to knit and I crochet, but yarn we have in common.  She was buying high end yarn as a gift and asked what I recommend.  I like to call this "gourmet" yarn.  And I was embarrassed to admit that I don't know the first thing about yarn, not to mention gourmet yarn - except that it costs a lot of money!

The first crochet class I took, I had purchased the cheapest acrylic yarn (in colors I loved of course).  It was hard, stiff, scratchy.  I had no idea that was bad.  My teacher proceeded to inform me that I had "bad" yarn and I had to use the teacher's yarn for the rest of the class because it was softer and could flow through my fingers and glide across the hook.  I was so embarrassed!

Since then I have made a slight upgrade to my yarn.  Still using acrylic, but softer acrylic that is more expensive by a few bucks.  I often pick Vanna White's yarn because of the color selection.  That's what I call it because her face is on the label.  But I think "Vanna's choice" is the proper name. I find it funny that these sort of B-list blond celebrities are shilling for yarn.  Debra Norville has her face on a label too. I also like "I love this yarn" and Caron super soft - also not it's proper name, but it is nice and soft!

I have looked at the gourmet yarns - you know the kind - hand dip dyed and hand spun from their very own organic sheep wool by hipster hippies living on a farm somewhere in upstate New York while the rest of us envy them.  These yarns are often incredibly gorgeous and tempting.  But pricey.  And I haven't bought any because I am cheap.  Plus I have been into these yarn eating projects that require loads of yarn.  Specifically I like to make afghans because I like combining lots of colors and I like repetition.  

I feel like I'm still in this beginner stage of crochet - I don't want to spend outrageous sums on high end yarn only to make something amateur or ugly.

My other problem is that if I let myself I would be one of those people who bought so much yarn I was buried in it like a bad episode of Hoarders.  I'm often tempted to buy yarn "just 'cause" with no clear plan to use it.  And I don't crochet fast enough to use it all!  So for now I'm trying only to buy yarn for specific projects, not just because it's purdy.

So... what's YOUR favorite yarn?  Your dream yarn? Any you'd recommend?

Too good not to share

While I was out looking for unicorns and glitter I found some things I wanted to share!  Here's what delighted me recently:

 *via digital cat

This is the year to be who you know you are by Abby Kerr Ink.  Chills up spine reading this post, especially this part:

I’ll get where I want to go when I start living the life of the person I know myself to be…immediately, with the very next action I take.

After watching Eat Pray Love recently (btw, there's a great post on that movie here on the Fairytale Hausfrau blog), I was curious and went on a little Elizabeth Gilbert internet hunt. And that's now I found the Savvy Auntie web site and upcoming book via this interview with Elizabeth Gilbert talking about the Auntie Brigade.This site made me feel happy/sad. Happy, that someone out there is saying "Hey, there's lots of ladies who love kids and are nurturing loving creatures, who just don't happen to be moms and they need a community that recognizes them." Rock on. Right on. Just sad that we sometimes feel so overlooked or misunderstood that we desperately need a community like that to recognize we're nurturing loving women too.

The FANTASY of being thin - This post by Kelly Diels totally pins the tail on that annoying donkey that's been bugging me my whole life - the desire to be thinner than I am. Wowza. Insight. Because that's the thing. It's not really about being thin is it? It's about what you think being thin means. And I quote:

Because, you see, the Fantasy of Being Thin is not just about becoming small enough to be perceived as more acceptable. It is about becoming an entirely different person – one with far more courage, confidence, and luck than the fat you has.

Totally inspiring to have the guts to start living life the way you want to now, instead of thinking some external circumstantial thing has to happen first.

*via Free People

Free People has a blog called BLDG 25! I'm a bit of an Anthro freak.  I admit this to be true. I've thought the people at Urban Outfitters were geniuses for a while now (they're the brains behind Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie, Free People and now BHLDN). And the opportunity for a glimpse behind the scenes at the creativity and inspiration happening is so fun for me. NOW, if only Anthropologie would start a blog. It can't be long.

Happy Friday!!!

Looking for unicorns and glitter

 *via egerard

I love blogs, okay?  For about six years now.  So you won't find me collectively lambasting them here.  But I have found myself in this pattern lately.... Whenever I'm feeling restless in the soul I find my fingers wandering the keyboard, roaming the blogosphere in search of... something.  I do not know what I am in search of.

The answer to my restlessness. Inspiration.  The hidden key to happiness. Cute pictures of baby kittens.  A eureka moment.  An indie music video on YouTube.  A kindred spirit. A book recommendation for the book that would whisk me away. An easy recipe for croissants.  A diet to lose belly fat by eating a rainbow of macaroons while wearing pink sequined slippers. A free scholarship to a three month writer's retreat in Paris that also involves copious eating of macaroons. 

Or in the words of that annoying insurance commercial girl, "Unicorns and glitter".

What is it that I'm looking for?  Because I oh so rarely find it.

But I've realized that I already know what I'm looking for.  I already know what will make me happier. But it requires action and it's tempting to keep looking outside of myself, hoping something easier and more magical will come along.

I don't need an article about how to be happy.  I don't need an ebook on how to start a new career.  I don't need a 10 day bootcamp workout.  I don't need top twenty tips on tweeting on twitter.

I simply need to step away from the computer and wash the dirty dishes in my sink.  Then I need to make a cup of tea, and finish reading that book I started too long ago.  Then I need to take a walk and get some fresh air.  Then I need to call a friend. Then I need to go to a coffee shop and write a scene.  That is all.

Blogs are "lover-ly" as Audrey would say in My Fair Lady.  But sometimes they get out of hand.  And I just need to learn when I have that restless feeling to quit looking for the answer somewhere outside of me.

Anyone else having trouble unplugging these days? (And yes I recognize the irony of asking that question on a blog).

Book smackdown: Hunger Games vs Middlemarch

*via aafromaa

I tried to find a photo of George Eliot mud wrestling a "Young Adult" and failed.  That would have summed up this whole post, but instead you'll have to settle for this long ramble.

I've been having mixed feelings lately about what modern literature is doing to my brain.  Or perhaps I should say commercial fiction to be more precise.

I read Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins last summer and thoroughly enjoyed it.  Like millions of others I was sucked in after the first few chapters.  The premise was brilliant, the pacing fast, the love triangle compelling, the writing simple enough to absorb the minute it hit the bloodstream. Books like this are like crack with a powerful, immediate hit.  You don't have to work for them.  You don't have to slowly wade into them, letting the world gradually soak into you, gaining a deeper appreciation.  There is no deeper appreciation.  They are what they are - immediate and engrossing.

By contrast, a novel like Middlemarch by George Eliot is not immediate and engrossing. It is slow and unfolding, but full of depths waiting to be plumbed.  It is not lean and tight with one main character and story line.  It is sprawling with many characters whose stories seem disconnected until only later you see how they are.  It is not quick to read.  The sentences are dense and rich and poetic and layered.   There are no bloody duels, no heart-pounding life-on-the-line scenes, just the slow passage of time, peering into those quirky souls we call human.

I am not arguing one book is better than another.  I just wonder if I develop a taste for power-punching fare like Hunger Games, will I lose my ability to be slowly lured into a story? I find myself wanting the immediate connection.  What's the hook?  What's the payoff? And I can't help but wonder if this is happening to us all. I'm probably way behind the times.  Because hello!  It's already been happening.

I tend to think this phenomenon springs from movies and television.  Due to commercial pressures and homogenization, movies and television have a strict format.  They must be compelling in a tight time slot, which means no word, characterization, prop or action can be wasted.  I enjoy this at times, having fun watching a tv mystery (Castle is my current favorite), knowing that almost every word has relevance to what will unfold in the episode.  I like to look for tells and predict what will happen and I'm pretty darn good at it. But is all of this training our brains to only consume information in a limited format?  Is our brain circuitry being rewired to the lowest common denominator?

I have no argument against Hunger Games or their ilk.  In fact, I argue a reader should read as enjoyment leads them.  I'd like to think that both forms of storytelling will survive and flourish.  I only hope that we don't lose the richness of the novel to the leanness of modern attention spans.

This affects me as a writer, because let's face it, books like Hunger Games are gold. I'm hardly against the Hunger Games.  I deeply admire Suzanne Collins for what she's accomplished. If I could write a book like it tomorrow I would, trust me. It's something people want - clever, colorful, imaginative fantasy that is also quick, addictive and not too darned much work to read. As a writer you think, if only I could tap this magical formula, I could write something more addictive than Reese's peanut butter cups.  And then you focus on making something tight, lean, spare, easy to read, and bloody compelling.  Nothing wrong with all that.  Except is it formulaic? Is it limiting?  I think the real question as a writer though, is: Is that where you want to go? Is that what you want to do?  Is that your style?

But beyond these authorly questions that come up, I think about the larger implications and wonder if our ADD world will be missing something. Is the push to capture people's attention in 8 bloody seconds and hold it by sheer force conducive to art?   Does it leave out all the beautiful subtleties and mysteries of life? Will it leave us an impatient lot, unable to process anything that does not fall into our established expectations of immediate gratification?

Thoughts?  What kind of book would you take on a deserted island?

p.s. If you love to talk books, come be my friend on Goodreads!

p.s.s If there was a fourth Hunger Games book I would of course buy it tomorrow, ha!

Who am I?

Why am I hearing the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland say "And WHHHOOO ARRRRE YOUUU?"

Ah, yes, it's mostly uber reflective people like me who ask these sorts of confusing questions about ourselves that seem so obvious to everyone else.  And if you like uber reflectivity, you're probably reading this blog.  So if you don't, I won't worry about it.

So, I wanted to share that I'm starting an online class called The Declaration of You and I'm so, so, excited about it.  I wanted to do this last year when it first came out but I just didn't have the time.  What I love about this is it is an online program from Michelle Ward, a life coach who specializes in helping creatives and "renaissance souls" discover their path. It also includes Jessica Swift who lends her playful artistry to everything!  So I'll be sharing my little discoveries as I go through the class.

And in the land of quirky coincidences, my jaw-dropped when one of my favorite bloggers - Alison from Brocante Home, unveiled her new Muse project for the year.

In her words:

welcome to my latest project: MUSE. A six month long, 12 download journey to a meeting with your inner muse, that starts around the 3rd of March… taking in Anais Nin, The Wizard of Oz and Anne of Green Gables along the way!

Alison is so inspiring and real to me and I can't wait to hear her musings about becoming your own muse!

But I was shocked because it was a topic that had been rambling about in my mind.  I recently had a click of recognition.  You see suddenly one day I just realized that to a vast degree, you are who you think you are and you are what you act out.

Who you think you are is very important.  But often our action in life doesn't match what's really going on in our souls which creates a disconnect. 

For example, let's say that you have always longed to varnish your finger nails a brilliant shade of emerald green or cut your hair in a dramatically new style.  But you say to yourself "But that isn't me." or "I couldn't pull it off" or "I'm not bold like that".   Now imagine the same scenario applied to a gorgeous pair of yellow shoes or a bright red sofa or a bold wallpaper. Or it could go in the other direction - you might be the boho, bright-prints, messy type, all scattered, and flibbertigibbet and inside you're longing for a sleek minimalist aesthetic with zero clutter - an all white house and a sleek black wardrobe with modern jewelry. These are surface examples, but it can go deeper to longings to travel, to live somewhere else, to change careers, to make new friends, to try new things.

 And the realization I've had is that you can pull off any dang thing you want to!  It's totally up to you!  The only person holding you back is you, telling you that thing you're longing for doesn't fit with your preconceived idea of self.  But guess what? Who is longing for it? You - your self!  You don't fit in a box and you don't have to.  You can completely define what you love and what makes up much of the world around you.

This was freeing for me.  I see so many points in my life where I've been the one holding myself back because I'm afraid of what other people might think or because it's some new facet of me that's emerged that I'm pushing away because it's unfamiliar and doesn't fit in the box I've already drawn around myself.

I'm usually pretty in touch with "who" I am. But sometimes it's a free for all - all sorts of things jumbled up in there.  I'd like to get a more defined, tight sense of my essence which is part of why I'm doing the Declaration of You class.

But my biggest problem is feeling free to express it.  This blog for me has been an exercise, an experiment, that's helped me do that more and more - becoming less and less afraid to share my creative quirky side - both online and in the real world.

But I still have a wall I need to break through.  As a writer, that's one of the things holding me back. With Declaration of You and Muse, plus all of this rolling around in my head... This might be my year!

Happy Valentine's Day

I was going to post beautiful pictures of tulips I'd taken, but my camera's in hiccups.  So for now I'll leave you with what I think is one of the most romantic songs from a while ago.  I love the lyrics and Leigh Nash's unique voice, not to mention the happy, sweet, vintage Paris-themed music video.  Enjoy!

p.s. Speaking of music, I was cheering last night when Arcade Fire won best album of the year at the Grammys! Very deserving from where I sit because I've listened to The Suburbs hundreds of times already.

Chick Flicks: A French Theme

So, I didn't go to Paris last year as I hoped.  No big deal.  Life offers up other opportunities and who knows, I might be saying "oui, oui" and munching on croissants this year.  But I thought it might be fun to celebrate just a taste of La Vie Francaise with these French-themed Chick Flicks.  The city of love.  Or was it lights? Just in time for Valentine's Day.

French Kiss
Totally goofy, but still kind of fun.  And oh so faux French.  I say "faux" because it's the American version of France. But when you're in the mood for this sort of cheese puff, you'll enjoy it.

I do: How to get married and stay single
And now an a real life French rom-com with sub-titles and all.   It's about a French bachelor who pretends to be married so his mother and sisters will get off his back.  He hits a snag though when he develops feelings for his "wife". It's nice, light and funny.  And I have a major style-crush on Charlotte Gainsbourg in this movie.

Priceless
Another French rom-com.  It's a little bit hard to love Audrey Tautou in this one as she's such a snake, but still an enjoyable movie.

Forget Paris
This movie is one of those rare movies that "feels real" but also results in lots of laughs. I also like that it's more of an adult romance with adult concerns - aging parents, careers, fertility treatments - an unusual rom com.

An American in Paris
Leslie Caron and Gene Kelly dance their way through Paris in technicolor. Not a very realistic portrayal.  Colorful, exaggerated, but fun!

Gigi
More of Leslie Caron in France.  This time a totally different era - the 1800s - with a musical tale of a man seeking out a mistress but finding a wife instead.  The visuals are interesting in this film.  It's a cotton candy take on the time period with easter egg colors and frilly dresses and Maurice Chevalier singing "Thank heaven for little girls".

Julie and Julia
It's so much fun to see France from Julia Child's POV - the joy and spirit is infectious.  Meryl Streep made this movie - I was amazed by how she pulled it off.  And Julia Child is such an inspiration to anyone venturing forth into a non-cookie cutter life.

To Catch a Thief
Grace Kelly + Cary Grant + Hitchcock in the south of France in a romantic crime caper. These two are much more glamorous than the rest of us can hope to be.

Casablanca
Although most of the film takes place in Morocco, it's what happened in Paris that makes the whole story go round. If you've never seen this quintessential film, I must warn you - if you're one of those girls who needs happy bubbly endings with hugs and kisses, this one must be avoided.  But if you like moody, melancholy, bittersweetness, you'll enjoy it.

And a whole quintet of Audrey-Hepburn movies!  What was it with Audrey and Paris on film?  I didn't realize there were this many until I started listing them.

Sabrina - Paris doesn't appear much, but plays a key role in turning Sabrina from an ugly duckling into a swan in a fantasy-making gig at a cooking school.
Paris When It Sizzles - Obviously Paris plays a big role in this one!  A funky early 60s style makes it interesting.
Charade - A dark, mysterious Paris in this thriller that also features - who else? Cary Grant.
Funny Face - Love this colorful, stylish musical with Fred Astaire.  It's a happy maker!  Think pink!
How to Steal a Million - I haven't seen this one.  Must add to the list of required viewing.

Recommended Double Features:
Bachelors no more: I do and Gigi
Classic "American" French: Funny Face and An American in Paris
Thrilling France: How to Catch a Thief and Charade

Bon jour mes amies!

What makes my day flow - five daily essentials

*via hello-julie

Thanks for tagging me, Debby at  Cooking Up a Storm in  Teacup! So  here are my five daily essentials. It's amazing how it's the little simple things that make every day special, or sometimes livable!

Coffee - ground fresh that morning and made in my very simple drip cup coffee maker, which I swear makes the best coffee.  I brought back three bags of Kona coffee from my trip and I'm loving it.


Quiet time - Ahhh... I guess this just proves I'm an introvert, but quiet time is a must-have. This might be a nap, it might be a bath or reading a book, but I need that time, that blank canvas, to recharge.

Writing - At the moment writing is an absolute essential in my life.  So by extension my laptop is essential (is it strange to have attachments to your laptop?), as well as my cozy writing nook - a special space I can go to and focus my mind.

Crochet - In a moment of insanity, the repetitive nature of crochet brings me back down.  Much better than hitting one's head on walls or rocking back and forth.  Plus I love playing around and combining colors.  At the moment I'm slowly working my way through a simple patchwork blanket.

Whimsy - It might be my yellow plastic heart ring or baby blue fingernails or a collage of pictures torn out from a magazine and taped up on the wall, but I like to have expressions of fun and flights of fancy around me.

For the love of Babies

The film Babies is a gutsy viewing selection if you are struggling with issues of "maybe motherhood" like I am.  "Maybe motherhood" is my new term for infertility.  I think it's less clinical and better describes the true state of it - because it is the maybe-ness of it that is the hardest part if you're a control freak like me!

I have wanted to see Babies ever since I saw the trailer.  My husband and I are fans of documentaries and this one seemed so simple and charming. But I had to be in the right frame of mind.  It took awhile, but that moment came recently and we streamed it on Netflix and I was able to love the film as it deserves.  It's great to watch a movie with so little dialogue and plot that is just a simple expression of the most basic and beautiful beginnings of life.  So much fun to see these four babies begin to explore their worlds in such radically different places and families and cultures (San Francisco, Mongolia, Africa, and Japan). 

And while I did feel a twinge or two of sadness as I watched it, I also felt joy and a strange realization.  It made me happy to know that all around us, all around the world, at all times, babies are being born and somewhere out there, they are being loved and smiling their first smile and taking their first steps.  Just because I don't have one myself, doesn't mean that this flow of life and joy is halted.

It's funny how egocentric we can be as human beings - the experiences of our own lives sometimes eclipse other realities.  And all the things I have loved about babies since I was a girl, the things that delight my heart, these things carry on even if not directly with me.  It's an important notion - because even if I was to have a baby of my own the "baby" experience would not last forever. 

So the question is, can I love babies and take joy in them without having one of my own?  And the answer is I hope so, no matter what happens with my own "maybe motherhood".

Writer implosion

*via photojenni

So I've been "acting like a writer" and it's been quite a week.  I've been gloomy.  Crazy.  Inspired.  Doubtful. A wee bit manic.

I was wrapping up the second draft of my novel when I realized I needed to radically revise.  We're talking butcher knives and chainsaws and axes needed. A main character changed.  Plot points dissolved. Entire points of views cut. That unleashed the demons of doubt to do their worst. This process scares the crap out of me.  I have an instinct, an intuition as I carve away, but I don't know exactly what I'm doing.

I long to be a writer, to create stories and connect with people bring them delight.  But on weeks like this I wonder if I have it in me.  Imagination, yes.  Brilliant writer? That's where the doubts set in.  As much as I believe you can learn more and work hard, I sometimes wonder if  there is a certain je ne sais quoi that some writers have, and you either have it or you don't.  It's something in their brains tuned into the sound of words, something magical - maybe it's that thing you call voice.  And I find myself wondering if I have "it".

Whenever I am working on a project, it seems I always reach this point where I suddenly feel NO GOOD or worse, blind, as if I can't even begin to see the true dimensions of my own work. And then it gets worse.  Not only do I beat myself up about that, but my insecurities grow, taking over another part of me - CONFIDENCE.  I worry that even if I was the most wonderful writer in the world, I lack confidence.  I stunble trying to say what my story is about, blushing to admit I've actually written a madly romantic sci-fi adventure tale.

I feel tongue-tied explaining myself and what I love, the essence of me - or what I might cynically call my brand. And it's this being who I am, owning up to who I am which is hard for me at times and part of what I try to bust through on this blog.

How do I explain that I am a Jane Austen loving bookworm who also enjoys a good dose of kick-ass Battlestar Galactica too?  How do I explain that I am as girly as they come, a vintage gal whose greatest fantasy is spending a day antiquing with Rachel Ashwell and yet I find myself writing wild tales of time travelers and space princesses who run away from home to avenge their father's death?

I write the visions that haunt my mind, the tales that keep me company on dark nights - and it turns out that recently the genre it most closely fits is sci-fi, even if that's not the genre I intended to invade. As much as I love sci-fi.... Hello! X-Files, Fringe, BSG, Lost, Alias and Caprica, some of my favorite shows ever - I don't feel like I fit into the scifi geek community.

I don't want to leave a strange impression because I've written a sci-fi novel I'm trying to get published and then you visit my blog and I'm talking about nail polish and chick flicks and crochet and self-help.  But it's me - it's all me, all at once. So I'm struggling with "defining" myself and who I am and what I love.  When the truth is I already know, I'm just afraid to put it out there.

"Acting like a writer" is more than telling stories - it's one big head game - fighting myself to get through the process. I'd say this is probably true for anyone following a dream, whether it's starting a business or being an artist.  I share all this not to reveal the total madwoman that I am, but to help any fellow dreamers out there going through the same thing.

And now I say, "Demons, adieu!  I have work to do!" and get back to revising...

Bloggers or lifestyle artists?

 *via Pandora

I've been recently fascinated by these bloggers who create worlds and use themselves to make art.

I tend to find  fashion blogging (not just randomly posting about fashion, but posting photos of yourself in your own outfits on a regular basis) to be a mixture of beauty, fantasy, voyeurism, creativity, and pretentiousness.  Sometimes I wonder what our world has come to - that people, seriously, spend vast amounts of time documenting the permutations of their wardrobe - but they document it because they love it and because others (including me) love to watch it - even if it's only on rare occasions. I mean why do I look?  To get inspiration!  Real-life, real-people inspiration that just doesn't compare to the pages of a fashion magazine.

*via The Cherry Blossom Girl

But fashion blogging is evolving - it's no longer standing stock still for a photo and describing your outfit.  Oh no, now there are settings like woods and snow and beaches and parks - each one a full-fledged photoshoot with multiple poses and shots and set dressing.

Some people have taken fashion blogging to a whole new level - far beyond fashion- and into the realm of art.  There is a group that no longer deserve to be called bloggers and should perhaps be called visual artists or life artists instead. Maybe we should invent a word like blogartist?

I think my very favorite blogs are blogartists.  They have this quality of capturing a very specific real person with a specific point of view in the world.  Some bloggers do it in words, but these bloggers use images.

*via Making Magique

They are not documenting the world as it is, but creating a new world of fantasy that centers around themselves. These are beautiful women, who use themselves as a canvas and conjure settings and moods.  They are fashion stylists and photo stylists and models and actresses all in one. 

Seeing the imagery they create can be inspiring.  It whisks you away into a fantasy - imagining you are a pretty girl in Paris wearing outrageous clothing, spending the afternoon at a tea shop, sketching in your artist's notebook.

 *via Sea of Shoes

It's a strange art, perhaps - coming off as a little narcissistic and sometimes too intimate, like peeping into someone's boudoir. And there are questions to be sure.  How healthy is fantasy?  How much is too much? And those who take life very seriously would say it's a sign of affluence that we have the luxury to even visit, much less create these blogs.  And isn't there more to beauty than outward appearance?  Isn't life more than illusory moments captured on film?

But on the flip side... Isn't art a source of beauty and inspiration and imagination?  Doesn't art take a single image or symbol and use it to say so much more? What's the difference between an amazing painter or poet and one of these women who creates worlds with their photographs and their eyes?  And don't images sometimes lead us somewhere deeper without words?

I must say I'm conflicted in opinion.  After all, I'm still watching, aren't I? I can't help but be utterly fascinated and curious as I wonder...
Who takes their photos?  Do they take their own or do they have a boyfriend or a friend who does it all?
How many hours a week do they spend doing this?
Why do they do it?  Obviously for some, it's become a source of income, so the answer might seem obvious.  But why did they start?
What are their aspirations?  Where might they go with all this?
Where do they put all their clothes? And how do they get all their clothes?  And for those in couture - how do they afford all their clothes?
Where do they get their ego? (And how can I get some?) It must take an awful lot of self-confidence to make yourself the very center of attention and it's not something that comes naturally to me - and sometimes I wish it did.

p.s. The other day I found myself running out to the mailbox wearing an outfit that was so very hilariously terrible (a royal blue tee with a clashing avocado wool sweater worn just for warmth, capri yoga pants, and knee-high turquoise and yellow argyle socks with a pair of flats) - a casualty of working at home - that I wanted to take a picture of it and post it for humor.  But my picture didn't even turn out well, so I leave it to your imagination.

The right words at the right time

I'm guest blogging over at Brocante Home today and talking about getting back into the groove after a long holiday!  Come say hi and tell me if you have any tricks for whipping yourself back into fighting shape after you've been out of sorts.

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These words on a sugar packet came into my life at just the right time.  It was while I was in vacation in Hawaii and feeling all whiny and self-pitying, playing the spoiled little girl, bemoaning my situation in life.  Why is it that so and so gets such and such and I don't?  Or to be more specific, why is it that totally unsuitable (being polite) people are blessed with eight babies (exaggerating) and I'll never have one (projecting disastrously into the future)?  What did I do to deserve this?  Why me?  These mad thoughts were taking over my mind.

I have no idea who this Noah benShea fellow is or why he is on sugar packets (and please do not take this as me advertising for this self help fellow).  But that very day, the words on this sugar packet were staring right up at me.  Reminding me that life is not about the breaks I've been given or not given, but about who I am, and how I choose to respond.  Reminding me to grow up.

I took the sugar packet and stuck it in my pocket, flying it all the way home with me, where it now sits on my bulletin board, reminding me when I need it that what really matters is who I am.