Who am I?

Why am I hearing the caterpillar in Alice in Wonderland say "And WHHHOOO ARRRRE YOUUU?"

Ah, yes, it's mostly uber reflective people like me who ask these sorts of confusing questions about ourselves that seem so obvious to everyone else.  And if you like uber reflectivity, you're probably reading this blog.  So if you don't, I won't worry about it.

So, I wanted to share that I'm starting an online class called The Declaration of You and I'm so, so, excited about it.  I wanted to do this last year when it first came out but I just didn't have the time.  What I love about this is it is an online program from Michelle Ward, a life coach who specializes in helping creatives and "renaissance souls" discover their path. It also includes Jessica Swift who lends her playful artistry to everything!  So I'll be sharing my little discoveries as I go through the class.

And in the land of quirky coincidences, my jaw-dropped when one of my favorite bloggers - Alison from Brocante Home, unveiled her new Muse project for the year.

In her words:

welcome to my latest project: MUSE. A six month long, 12 download journey to a meeting with your inner muse, that starts around the 3rd of March… taking in Anais Nin, The Wizard of Oz and Anne of Green Gables along the way!

Alison is so inspiring and real to me and I can't wait to hear her musings about becoming your own muse!

But I was shocked because it was a topic that had been rambling about in my mind.  I recently had a click of recognition.  You see suddenly one day I just realized that to a vast degree, you are who you think you are and you are what you act out.

Who you think you are is very important.  But often our action in life doesn't match what's really going on in our souls which creates a disconnect. 

For example, let's say that you have always longed to varnish your finger nails a brilliant shade of emerald green or cut your hair in a dramatically new style.  But you say to yourself "But that isn't me." or "I couldn't pull it off" or "I'm not bold like that".   Now imagine the same scenario applied to a gorgeous pair of yellow shoes or a bright red sofa or a bold wallpaper. Or it could go in the other direction - you might be the boho, bright-prints, messy type, all scattered, and flibbertigibbet and inside you're longing for a sleek minimalist aesthetic with zero clutter - an all white house and a sleek black wardrobe with modern jewelry. These are surface examples, but it can go deeper to longings to travel, to live somewhere else, to change careers, to make new friends, to try new things.

 And the realization I've had is that you can pull off any dang thing you want to!  It's totally up to you!  The only person holding you back is you, telling you that thing you're longing for doesn't fit with your preconceived idea of self.  But guess what? Who is longing for it? You - your self!  You don't fit in a box and you don't have to.  You can completely define what you love and what makes up much of the world around you.

This was freeing for me.  I see so many points in my life where I've been the one holding myself back because I'm afraid of what other people might think or because it's some new facet of me that's emerged that I'm pushing away because it's unfamiliar and doesn't fit in the box I've already drawn around myself.

I'm usually pretty in touch with "who" I am. But sometimes it's a free for all - all sorts of things jumbled up in there.  I'd like to get a more defined, tight sense of my essence which is part of why I'm doing the Declaration of You class.

But my biggest problem is feeling free to express it.  This blog for me has been an exercise, an experiment, that's helped me do that more and more - becoming less and less afraid to share my creative quirky side - both online and in the real world.

But I still have a wall I need to break through.  As a writer, that's one of the things holding me back. With Declaration of You and Muse, plus all of this rolling around in my head... This might be my year!