Have I told you the fall is my favorite season? It just seems to suit me. This week we had a lovely cold front (that means highs in the 70s and 80s here, y'all) and on a chilly morning, I had my first opportunity to wear my afghan across my lap and think deep thoughts.
From Roots of She, comes this post called If you were pregnant? that's been bugging me. Bugging me, because it plays along with my ideas of what pregnancy should be like - all glowy self-care and nurturance and listening to your body and writing letters to baby and such. And it contrasts with my reality. I have been easier on myself in the hours when I am not working, giving myself more room to lay about, nap, and read, but my job is such that when I'm working, I become totally absorbed. It feels like an unending slog from which my butt rarely lifts from the chair. I feel unhealthy and sluggish at the end of the day and have often thought little about nurturing myself or my baby. And it makes me sad.
So these assumptions that if we were pregnant, we would suddenly be "good to ourselves" - I just wonder how true that is? Women who have been pregnant, did you take better care of yourself than before or pretty much just go on as you always had?
And this blog post on C.Jane Run - she's about 8 months preggo with her third kid, but went through an extended bout of infertility -five years in which she wondered if it was ever really going to happen. (I am not mormon) but I can relate to what she writes here - about how it changes you and what the really important things are - the inner lessons. An excerpt:
Infertility is an all encompassing state of being. It has the force to completely take over the core of a woman's belief about who she is and what she is capable of. It's not about having a biological baby or an adopted baby or a foster baby, it's about feeling whole even if no baby ever comes at all.
The bolding of text is entirely mine, and to this phrase, I offer a "here, here!". Going through what I've gone through - the waiting - that's been the most important thing for me to grasp, deeply, is my innate value and identity as a person, no matter my outer circumstances. It is the sort of thing that leaves a mark, something I hope I can carry with me into other experiences.
I'm thinking this simple scarf from On the Wings of a Dove would be a good project for a long plane ride - one skein of yarn, a simple, repetitive (read, soothing) design. I'm going to try it! Whenever I travel I'm always tempted to bring along an entire suitcase of yarn and must hold myself back.
This week I made Pumpkin Ricotta Shells from Country Living. Muy delicioso. My goodness. I think it's all those fresh herbs. There is something about cozy fall weather that makes cooking at home so much more enjoyable.
And last weekend I made these: Kevin & Amanda's Ultimate Chocolate Chip Oreo Brownie Bars. They are a layer of chocolate chip cookie dough, with oreos in the middle and brownies on top. My mouth sort of dropped open when I first discovered this recipe. "Really? Honestly? No!" It almost seemed perverse. It was so outrageous I had to -had to - try it. And I did. And they are good. Although better, I think the day after, when they've had a chance to rest.
This weekend I hope you get a chance to rest...