From Roots of She, comes this post called If you were pregnant? that's been bugging me. Bugging me, because it plays along with my ideas of what pregnancy should be like - all glowy self-care and nurturance and listening to your body and writing letters to baby and such. And it contrasts with my reality. I have been easier on myself in the hours when I am not working, giving myself more room to lay about, nap, and read, but my job is such that when I'm working, I become totally absorbed. It feels like an unending slog from which my butt rarely lifts from the chair. I feel unhealthy and sluggish at the end of the day and have often thought little about nurturing myself or my baby. And it makes me sad.
So these assumptions that if we were pregnant, we would suddenly be "good to ourselves" - I just wonder how true that is? Women who have been pregnant, did you take better care of yourself than before or pretty much just go on as you always had?
And this blog post on C.Jane Run - she's about 8 months preggo with her third kid, but went through an extended bout of infertility -five years in which she wondered if it was ever really going to happen. (I am not mormon) but I can relate to what she writes here - about how it changes you and what the really important things are - the inner lessons. An excerpt:
Infertility is an all encompassing state of being. It has the force to completely take over the core of a woman's belief about who she is and what she is capable of. It's not about having a biological baby or an adopted baby or a foster baby, it's about feeling whole even if no baby ever comes at all.
The bolding of text is entirely mine, and to this phrase, I offer a "here, here!". Going through what I've gone through - the waiting - that's been the most important thing for me to grasp, deeply, is my innate value and identity as a person, no matter my outer circumstances. It is the sort of thing that leaves a mark, something I hope I can carry with me into other experiences.
I'm thinking this simple scarf from On the Wings of a Dove would be a good project for a long plane ride - one skein of yarn, a simple, repetitive (read, soothing) design. I'm going to try it! Whenever I travel I'm always tempted to bring along an entire suitcase of yarn and must hold myself back.
This week I made Pumpkin Ricotta Shells from Country Living. Muy delicioso. My goodness. I think it's all those fresh herbs. There is something about cozy fall weather that makes cooking at home so much more enjoyable.
And last weekend I made these: Kevin & Amanda's Ultimate Chocolate Chip Oreo Brownie Bars. They are a layer of chocolate chip cookie dough, with oreos in the middle and brownies on top. My mouth sort of dropped open when I first discovered this recipe. "Really? Honestly? No!" It almost seemed perverse. It was so outrageous I had to -had to - try it. And I did. And they are good. Although better, I think the day after, when they've had a chance to rest.
This weekend I hope you get a chance to rest...
Happy Friday!
For what it's worth, I'm a bit envious of a job the consumes you, especially during the early, fretful days of pregnancy. It would be nice to be distracted from the useless thoughts of all that could go wrong during those days. So I don't think it's so bad not to think about your baby and your body for parts of the day. I think most moms are "guilty" of it. Plus, once the baby starts moving and there's no more hiding your burgeoning belly, the feeling of wonder and pause you're expecting will be much more accessible at any time of the day.
ReplyDeletePlus as long as you're napping and treating yourself occasionally - that chocolate chip oreo brownie thing, good lord! - you're doing alright.
You've got to be kidding me with those Pumkpin Ricotta Stuffed Shells. YUM! I love everything pumpkin.
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ReplyDeleteI love this post - all of it.
1)I've often wondered the same about how (or if) working women take time for themselves before their babies are born, and just how they balance that. I know it's afterwards that tends to drive everyone nuts, but learning how to nurture ourselves and make time for it is the thing that gets one through life, no?
2)Thank you for the post from CJane. Feeling whole regardless of the outcome is a biggy, and something I struggle with regularly.
3)Yay for the endless loop scarf! You can do it!! Can I maybe just come over, eat some of that delicious food, and learn how to make my own ;)