This is me, holding my new nephew. We are a relatively small family and a new member of our colorful clan has such special meaning. I'm so thrilled he's finally here and so happy for my brother and sister in law and proud of them because I know they will be wonderful parents.
The birth of my nephew fills me with such a crazy love and an ache at the same time, an ache to hold a child of my own. Maybe it will happen, maybe it won't. This is the maybe-ness of maybe motherhood. I still hope. And that hope is precarious. I may stumble and fall into a valley of disappointment. Or perhaps the thing I've long been hoping for will come after all. We don't know, do we, what waits around the corners?
I'd like to say something defiantly optimistic or cleverly insightful about living in between, waiting. All I can say is this: I am human, living with so many emotions from day to day. I can't control them, can't make the hard ones go away, can't make the sweet ones stay. All I can do is feel them and know that this is what being human is -- a vulnerable openness, a daily unknowing, a frightening and beautiful unfolding.