I never thought it would happen to me... Blogger's block. How arrogant of me, by the way. But while I fully intended to start blogging again this week, my blogger's mind is mostly a blank. I'm going through transitions, and I know transitions often demand extra energy, leaving me without fuel for this fire. But it's a little bit frightening, this feeling, wondering if/when I will go back to feeling myself again.
The illogical side of me feels I am somehow letting myself down, failing to follow through. While the logical side of me points out that I am not a pro-blogger and there are not anxious people pacing rooms awaiting the delivery of my next words.
I love blogging, but I'm afraid I sometimes start to see blogging as life, rather than life as life. I'm not quitting blogging, yet in times like these I wonder if perhaps I should. I wonder if it diverts my energy away from other pursuits, passions or needs - or merely living in the moment. But the very thought of quitting blogging is like "Noooooo, I cannot do that!" And then I wonder why.
Why am I so afraid to quit? Why do I somehow think my life would be less if I quit? Or that I'd be letting go of something critical? Is this just an archaic idea I'm carrying around in my head from the good old days when I thought it was possible (for me) to make money from my blog or build a business or some what not? Why do I still let that old ghost haunt me when I've already decided it's nothing but a hot airbag? Old ghosts are hard to let go.
Ponderances. Which is not a word, by the way, but should be.
So for now I'm going to float a little while longer in the place where I'm at, waiting for nature's cycles to switch from ebb to flow.